Barista

My anger is a fresh cup of coffee:  roasted, ground, pressed and brewed, steamy. But you don’t go to a coffee shop and order from a menu with one item on it. There are levels of anger, different intensities and brews.

 I personally enjoy Americano’s, and they’re  the same style I most often deal with anger. I start with a shot of espresso. Black, thick strong, but I manage to dilute myself, water down the intensity, as to not burn anyone around me. It’s the same amount of espresso, the same amount of pure angst in every form of anger, but its how I deal with it that creates the different  drinks. 

I can be so intensely angry but you may not even know it. With copious amounts of steamed milk and cream and sugar and whip and drizzle and Brule sprinkles, you may barley recognize the espresso in a macchiato or Frappuccino.

I will admit I can be a frivolous person. I’m easily angered about my appearance, and how others perceive me. I make the effort to appear well for others. But when that effort is tainted, the espresso brews. Other times however, I wake up in the wrong sleep cycle, I lose my phone charger, forget my headphones, need to do laundry, try to study for an exam, or need to finish an assignment minutes before class, and a simple cup of joe is brewed. No double-soy-whip-cookie-crumble-drizzle nonsense necessary. The effort to add all the sweet extra fluff dissipates and I openly hate the world and everyone around me.

I’m as clumsy as I am angry. As easy as it is for me so spill my drink all over the table, dripping onto the floor, others looking at me, embarrassed, I implode with anger, smiting almost anyone around me unintentionally. It’s not as easy however, to clean up the words that come out of my mouth  as it is to wipe up spilled coffee. Soap and water don’ wipe away spoken words.

I get angered when I don’t meet my own standards. I feel defeated when my design doesn’t get chosen for the week’s top four picks. I need anger to keep me in line. Keep my priorities straight. My anger keeps me motivated to try. And my morning tumbler of coffee energizes me for the new day. 

Too much anger leaves me exhausted, dry and quenched. My indulgence in coffee can leave me dehydrated. I know when to avoid it when I know it, when it will consequently affect me.

Then it’s easy. After the steam diminishes and I cool off, it’s manageable to drink. I get up, throw away the cup, walk away and leave.